The murder spot is your new #relationshipgoals

My wife and I have this concept we call the murder bed or spot. When we are at home or on vacation the side of the bed I sleep on is dictated by whichever person is closer to any suspect door or window. While that person is “theoretically” getting murdered, the other can escape. Hence,…

Top 10 reasons why you WANT to contract lice

1. It’s fun to tell people, “I don’t have lice anymore,” while attacking your scalp with the sharp, sweet relief of a pencil point. When I actually had the little guys, my head didn’t itch. It was only after all of the shampooing and cleansing that dried out my head that I felt like bugs…

Fitbits make you fit . . . and a bit crazy (in a good way)

I stopped wearing my Fitbit for the first time in six weeks, and I feel weird. The walking competition hosted by my work is over, but all the odd habits I formed to gain extra steps are still there. I just don’t get points for them anymore.  I want the gamification of my life back….

My wife’s bat-hatred origin story

In the middle of the night we kept hearing a very high pitch, pinging, electronic noise. A sound that I can’t hear now because I am older. It reminded me of those fancy deer deterrent alarms I use to hear by the multi-million dollar mansions of Carmel Beach. Or one of those ringtones kids get…

This is what happened when I tried to teach my kid about giving

I am notorious for staring down Girl Scouts at the front of the grocery store and saying, “No thanks, but good luck today!” I get terrible looks from people when I tell them this. Before last Christmas, our pastor gave a sermon about giving. Pretty typical, you think. But he never talks about money. Our…

My son’s first Halloween story has the best ending line…

When I was in second grade and was asked to write a story, I pretty much just copied the entirety of “The Princess Bride,” skipping all of the kissing parts because those were gross. Then I spent the rest of the time badly drawing and expertly coloring the shrieking eels, because as a kid, that is…

I am the Maximizer

See the original Shaun Says This column from Gig Harbor Life in the Kitsap Sun. On a whim on Christmas Eve, my wife and I threw together a last-minute present for each of our boys. The “gifts” had been sitting in my trunk after living in my parents’ storage closet for decades. Gift 1: 30-plus-year-old Star Wars…